Hospice Care. Hospice Euthanized my Mother!

What you may not know about Hospice can kill you or your loved ones!

If this had not just happened to my family, I would never believe that Hospice is euthanizing patients all over our country. This is something that is happening on a regular basis. Unfortunately, I don't think most people are aware of this practice until it is too late for their loved ones, or for themselves.

I have now rewritten this blog four times.  Because it is so personal, and raw at this moment, I am finding it very difficult to write it without all the incredible emotion that is entwined in it. I wanted to write it as short as possible, but in order for you, the reader, to understand Hospice role in all this, I am unable to keep it short and sweet. I simple want others to realize that the horror stories you may have heard about Hospice are indeed true. Or if you are someone considering Hospice Care, perhaps warn you of what the outcome may be.

For me, I always thought Hospice was an organization of compassionate, caring individuals who only wanted to help those in need.  I thought it was mostly made up of volunteers with a few RN's employed. I wasn't quite sure why RN's were employed, but never thought that much about it. I had suggested my husband volunteer for hospice after his retirement, thinking that he would be the perfect kind of personality to sit with people who needed company to just chat, pray, read or just hold their hands.  He never did decide to do that, and after experiencing what Hospice is all about, I'm thankful he didn't. 

I'm sure to some degree, that is what Hospice is all about. But there is another side to Hospice, a much darker, seedier side that most people will probably never know about until it happens to someone they love.  And for many who praise the Hospice worker who was there till the end, they may not even realize that Hospice may have helped that end come sooner than it was intended to.

Tomorrow is my mothers funeral. My fathers funeral was a little less than 2 weeks ago. 
My parents were married for 67 years. 
My father died the day before his 88th birthday, with my mom following 11 days later, just after her 85th birthday. 

This may sound like a romantic love story of two lovebirds so wanting to spend eternity together that one left to follow the other, but unfortunately, neither of my parents died a natural death. 
They died at the hands of Hospice.

My mother and father both had dementia/Alzheimer's. Their quality of life had diminished severely, but they were actually both very physically healthy. They still recognized their family most of the time, but they could no longer do simple things like take care of personal hygiene, drive, fix meals, clean the house, etc. They kept getting lost and even after their car was taken away, they would just go off walking and get lost. It was two years of hell for my family, with a lot of fighting among us over what should be done, and trying to take care of them. They were two very stubborn people who did not understand the world around them was unraveling. 

I am writing another blog about how this disease affected them, so I won't go into a lot of detail of all that here. I will only talk about Hospice Care.

Hospice was brought into their lives as an attempt to allow them to continue living in their home, which is what they desperately wanted. There are four daughters in our family, but only one lived near them. My drive was 3 1/2 hours one way, another sister was 2 1/2 hours away and another was more than 10 hours away. 

We hoped that between the Hospice RN visits, the Hospice Aid visits and help we had hired (including meals on wheels), that they would be okay on a daily basis, with their daughters taking turns spending weekends with them. 

Hospice had evaluated them and added them for in home care under "Failure to Thrive", because Hospice does not cover Dementia patients. 

We in no way felt Hospice would be making decisions about our parents care without our consent, and made it clear that they needed to approve whatever they did with someone in the family. 

Unfortunately, things did not work out as planned. To be blunt, the Hospice aids were never any help, not showing up on the appointed times or worse, just not showing up at all. They seemed to only want to try and get my parents into the shower, which is the one thing we told them we did not want them to handle. My parents were very private people and this was something family members would take care of.  The Hospice RN's did a good job and my parents liked them, but they also did not have a set day they would visit, so it became very hard to count on them to be around. It was reassuring to have someone checking on their vitals and their condition once a week however, so for that, we were grateful. 

Hospice sent a Music Therapist one time, which my parents did very much enjoy, and there was a Ministry Therapist who also stopped in a few times. 

The agency that was hired to send someone to their house daily to help with breakfast and lunch were even less reliable, with people showing up late, leaving early or just not showing up at all. It was also rather unsettling to my parents, who didn't like strangers coming and going all day long.

We did eventually find a better agency that did show up on time and did do a wonderful job.

My daughter in law, who was an LPN at the time (has now passed her RN test) changed her schedule at work so she could care for them a couple of days a week along with a very dependable cna who stopped after work every day to give them their meds and eventually, to heat up their meals on wheels dinners. 

It was rough going, but was starting to work out, however in the end, my sisters decided it wasn't enough and they wanted my parents moved to a home. 

We had been arguing about this for over a year. It just came down to agreeing to disagree in order for my parents to be cared for. I so wished there was another alternative so that they could stay in their home. 

A Hospice counselor had told us about the Bethany Home in Jackson, Michigan, which they spoke highly of. 

My sister called them, found out they had a waiting list (very common in these homes), but when she mentioned that my parents were under Hospice Care, was told they did have openings in the Hospice Wing of the home.. 

We went to visit the home and talk to them about our parents.. We were very upfront about what they were like, how advanced the dementia was, that our dad paced non stop, our mother could be very snippy at times, how they are very independent people who wanted to stay in their home, and told them this would not be easy. 

We were told none of this was a problem, they would be fine, they could handle them, they loved families to be involved, they told us what the daily routine was there, said they were all about love and made it sound wonderful. They would work directly with Hospice, but nothing would be done without our approval. 

We heard "100% For Sure" over and over again as well as "It's all in God's timing".

My sisters were happy, but I was not. I knew I was fighting a loosing battle at this point so went along for my parents sake. But I knew this was not going to be the kind of environment my parents were going to enjoy or be happy in. 

The first 2 weeks were rough. My parents were unhappy, Mary, the person who ran the Hospice wing, wanted us to stay away until they started getting use to their new environment. Phone calls were very tough, my parents just simply wanted to go home and did not understand why their daughters left them there.. 

At 2 1/2 weeks, on a Friday, I called Mary and was told they were settling in, things were calming down and they felt our parents were ready to start having visits. 

The following Monday, they contacted one of my sisters saying they would like us to find another home for my parents. As it turns out, my parents had become frantic over the weekend, just wanting to go home, trying to "escape".. A Hospice Nurse who happened to be at the facility was called in and decided my Dad needed a dose of Haldol to calm him down. One of my sisters were called, she approved it, and they drugged him. 

Later they thought my Dad was sleeping in bed, but he somehow escaped. By time they realized this, he was half way down the street, and he did not want to go back, so was being belligerant. This is a man who had always been in control of his own life and here he was with young aids telling him what to do. I can only imagine the frustrating he must have felt. 

Haldol is a very nasty psychotic drug that all Hospice Nurses carry in their little white bags.. I believe the Aids also carry Haldol.. 

Haldol causes hallucinations along with a string of other very nasty side effects, including a warning that Haldol has been linked to strokes in the elderly, resulting in death. 
It is intended for use in people with psychosis. 

My dad was not psychotic, he had dementia. 

I was very concerned about this and voiced my concerned, over and over again.. Eventually, Hospice decided on Seroquil, which is just a newer version of Haldol. It seems to be somewhat gentler, but still has the same side effects and the same stroke warning.. 

I pointed this out to my sister but was poo pooed because of my feelings about drugs.. I do not like pharmaceuticals.. The truth is, for every action there is a reaction, and when you start drugging an 87 year old man who has NEVER taken meds, there are going to be problems. 

The staff of Bethany decided they had been too hasty and did in fact, want my parents to stay, as long as Dad was controlled with Seroquel, and my sisters agreed.. I did not.. My husband and I got them into a memory care unit up here by us, one that did not insist on drugs as a way to control residents, and who's set up was much more conducive to the needs of my parents..It was also very affordable compared to all the other homes we'd looked at.  But my sisters decided against that, because they didn't want to have to make the drive. 

Two of my sisters had gotten my parents to sign a POA the year before, so even though my opinions were somewhat listened to, I never had the last say.. My sisters had taken a "we're in control" attitude and I had been dealing with that for over a year. It was very difficult, especially because I so disagreed with many of their decisions. I had repeatedly asked to be added to the POA, but my sisters very obviously liked having all the control. In the end, my parents paid the ultimate price for their daughters control issues. 

My Dad was a very gentle man. I suspect he felt like a caged animal in a home where he couldn't just go outside when he wanted to. Controlling him with Seroquel was cruel, despite Hospice workers, my sisters and Mary claiming it did help him to pace less.. 

Why were they so concerned with a man pacing all day? He wasn't hurting anyone, he just needed to keep moving. He had been like that his entire life. He was not a man who just sat down and relaxed. He had to be doing something non stop.

The truth is, they did not have the staff to follow him, so they wanted him to stay put. My Dad spent the rest of his life, all 3 1/2 months of it, zombie like. He had dementia, yes, but he was not zoned out and zombie like until they started drugging him. 

My sisters were working closely with Hospice, who strongly pushed this type of agenda.. They said things like, "we just want to keep him comfortable and if he keeps pacing, he's going to wear out his joints." 

My gentle Dad. Controlled for wanting to keep moving. 

Then there was my Mom, who was very angry over this whole thing.. She was nasty to the staff at times and they just didn't like that. I was told she could be really sweet at times, but really nasty at other times. My mom could give you a look that could kill, but she was not a physically abusive woman. She also was not very big, or strong. She was, however, very healthy for her age. But we were being told she was grabbing staff, hitting dad, saying mean things to people and many of the staff avoided her.. 

They suggested mom be given a drug to help "elevate" her mood.. I was told between Hospice and a Pallative doctor who had been brought in, they had tried everything including anti anxiety meds, anti depression meds, and finally, settled on Seroquel. 

From the moment she was put on Seroquel, she was ticked off.. When anyone would go visit them, she was nasty.Very obviously, the Seroquel was not elevating her mood, but rather, making her incredibly angry. 

I voiced my concerns and was told by my sister that the doctor had taken her off the Seroquel. Later I found out from an aide that she was still on Seroquel. When I questioned Mary about it, I was told she had never been taken off Seroquel and had been on it for 6 weeks.. They just kept upping the dosage until they got her to that "silly enjoyable spot" where people could enjoy her.. 

Silly and enjoyable was just a nice way of saying she was so hopped up on Seroquel that she was now hallucinating and not living in reality at all.. She no longer recognized her family or her husband, but she was silly and fun because she hallucinated about the funniest things and it was all so much easier on everyone.. 

Everyone except my mother that is!!!!!

But Hospice felt they had met their goals, and so did Mary and my sisters.. I was told it's better to have her hallucinating than to be angry, and the hallucinations weren't hurting her.

Not until they did, that is. 

First my father. 

He started slumping in his chair and was eating very little..This continued for 3 days.  I was not told about this until later on, when it was too late to do anything about it. The staff at Bethany suspected he'd had a stroke, and contacted one of my sisters, who talked to Hospice, and the decision was made to take a "wait and see" attitude.. How do you take a wait and see attitude when you suspect someone has had a stroke?  

Three days later, he got up from his chair and tried to walk to the bathroom, where he collapsed, hitting his knees on the toilet and floor, landing half in the tub, half on top of the toilet. The chair was toppled over. My mother was with it enough to go in the hallway and yell "call an ambulance", which I was told, shocked the staff at the Bethany.

My sisters were called, and between them and Hospice, they continued with the "wait and see" attitude. My Dad was carried to bed, he could not eat, he could not drink. The next morning he tried to get out of bed, only to collapse again. He never got up again. 

I was not notified about any of this.. How I wish I'd made a phone call that week to check on them, but I hadn't.. I'm not sure I would have been told what was going on anyways. By this time, my sisters were deep into controlling everything and I had basically just stopped trying to be a part of the conversation. It's very hard when you can see mistakes being made, and have no control to stop it. 

On Monday I received an email from one of my sisters saying they thought Dad had a virus the week before and he just wasn't bouncing back from it, so she had called the doctor, and was hoping they would be able to get to the Bethany to check on Dad... She told me she would let me know if I needed to get there to visit after the doctor had examined him.. 

No longer trusting my sisters, I called Mary and asked what was going on... She told me Dad was not doing good at all and she thought it'd be a good idea if I came as soon as possible. 

I left at 4:30 am the next morning, and arrived by 7:30 am to find my Dad laying in a bed, with his eyes partially open, very labored breathing, thinner than I ever thought possible, obviously dying.. He was not able to speak or acknowledge my presence. I sat with my Dad that day for 8 hours watching him die. 

I asked Mary how long he'd had a virus.. She looked confused and said, your Dad fell last week, we think he probably had a stroke.. I asked if my sisters knew that and she said "of course"... 

Throughout that day my concern was my Dad, but I also spent time with Mom here and there, too.  At one point I left to go to Walmart to buy a CD player and Eddie Arnold Cd for Dad to listen to, knowing he had always loved his music in days gone by. I never made it into the store however, because my husband called to see how Dad was doing, and I broke down sobbing, telling him Dad was dying...

After getting myself calmed down enough to drive, I went back to the Bethany and was met at the door by the Hospice Nurse, who was very kind, but told me it could be any time now. She kept talking to me, telling me how she was surprised at how much worse he was today, he hadn't been that bad the day before when she'd been there, and going on to talk about her parents and her family situation.  I was crying through the entire conversation and just wanted to get back to my Dad's room.. I finally kind of just walked away from her, thanking her, but feeling odd, wondering about some of the things she said. I can't even tell you what it was that made me feel odd. I just knew something seemed off.

A few hours later my Dad passed away.. One of my sisters had just gotten there, so I was not alone with him, but had time throughout the day to tell him what he meant to me. 

I will be forever thankful for that, however, what I wouldn't give to have had one last time with him when he was conscious and aware.

However, after events that followed, I am truly wondering exactly what the Hospice nurse may have given my dad? I was never told anything, but because he passed away just a few hours after she left, did she administer the famous Morphine pain killer I have now come to realize is their trademark? Had he been receiving this for days in order to keep him in this state?

At the time, I did not realize that Hospice has been euthanizing people for quite some time now.. I had absolutely NO idea this was happening. 

It's why I'm writing this.. Maybe someone else who is considering Hospice care for their loved ones will come upon this blog and be alerted to the fact that Hospice is not exactly what they may think it is. 

The really sad thing is, my mom was hallucinating so bad, she didn't even realize her husband of 67 years lay dying in bed. She had no idea he passed away. She never said goodbye to him. He had always taken such good care of her, and in the end, because she was so drugged up, she was denied the chance to help take care of him. 

My sisters and hospice see this as a blessing. 

I do not. 

Hours after my fathers passing, I headed home.. I thought about staying with my mom, but I didn't. Mostly because I was an emotional mess, and because she wasn't living in reality and had no idea who I was that day.. She kept calling me Joyce and thought I was driving her in a car when I pushed her in a wheelchair. 

The next day, Wednesday, my son and daughter in law went up to check on her. They learned that she had fallen out of bed during the night and bumped her head.. She had a big goose bump on her head but seemed fine, other than the hallucinations. She didn't know who they were, but they stayed with her most of the day, texting to tell me how she was. She kept calling my son Gene (my fathers name), which I'm sure was incredibly hard to take. My son was named after my Dad, and he had been a huge part of their lives. They loved him dearly.

The events that followed seem unreal and confusing.. Shortly after my son left, he received a call from Mary saying Mom had fallen and hurt her hip, and Mary was afraid it might be broken. My son and daughter in law went back to the Bethany to find my mom alert and fine, just showing signs of pain when she would try to stand up.. They tried to get her to sit still, but she kept trying to get up. Mom had a bum knee, so she had taken to sitting in a wheelchair now and again, but still walked when she wanted to and roamed around freely without supervision.  My daughter in law is a nurse who works with dementia patients, and was always very good with my parents. She had my mom lay down and she looked at the hip.. She was afraid it might be fractured but really didn't know. She suggested they get the mobile xray machine in there to xray it.. 

An xray was ordered, but they didn't show up. My kids stayed with my Mom until she was fast asleep, then they went home. 

Mary had left for the day right after Mom fell, so the aids were kind of just waiting for my son and daugther in law to make the decision. 

I called in the evening to check on her and was told she was sleeping, but that the mobile xray had still not shown up. 

The next morning I called Mary, who told me the mobile xray company had been there during the night and they would receive the results later that morning. 

One of my sisters planned on spending the day with her so I made plans to go the next day. 

Hospice suggested to my sisters that they start a 4 hour routine of Roxanol, which is liquid Morphine. The hospice nurse also told them that the xray would be very painful for my mom, and it really didn't matter what it showed, that they would treat her the same regardless, so why put her through it.. My sisters cancelled the xray. 

When I was told this, I said, but what if it isn't broken? Shouldn't they know this so they can start getting her up and moving around? 

But the Hospice Nurse continued to insist that the xray would be painful and would make no difference in her treatment.. Think about that! Hospice did not want to know if my mom's hip was actually broken or not, and planned to treat her the same way whether it was or not... 

Thursday morning I called and talked to Mary. We talked at length about the situation and the fact that mom had fallen not twice, but actually three times in a 24 hour period. I told her that one of the side effects of Seroquel is dizziness and blurred vision, and could that not explain mom's falling? She said possibly. We also discussed the fact that mom had been hallucinating badly for the last 6 weeks, since starting the Seroquel.  Wouldn't you think that could be the cause?".. She agreed that it was most likely the reason, but felt it was better for her to hallucinate than to be angry. Again, better for who? Those that have to care for her or better for her? 

On Thursday, the day after her fall, one of my sisters got Mom to take a couple of sips of Boost. That was the last food type substance she had. My sister said when she drank it she said "ummm...good.. ice cream"..Remember, just the day before, she was up and around, talking, perfectly healthy other than her bum knee and her dementia. But she now lay in bed being drugged with Roxanol (Morphine) so that she would lay still and not do more damage to her hip.

I drove back down to Jackson on Friday to sit with mom.. She was pretty out of it. But what they were doing still did not completely sink in.. When I got there, I was told Mom hadn't had a dose of Roxanol all night and had screamed out in pain when they tried changing her in the morning, so they were now going to give her the Roxanol every 4 hours along with Ativan. Later, when I discussed all this with the Hospice Nurse, she seemed surprised by the Ativan and said she didn't think mom was being given that. But I know what I was told, and I was told by Mary that they had given her the Roxanol along with Ativan.

The Hospice Nurse came in Friday morning. I asked her why they weren't feeding her intravenously. She stating "We don't do that". I asked her how mom would survive if she isn't eating or drinking. She squeezed my shoulder and said "The human body can go an amazing amount of time without food or water", and then she left.

Mom was totally out of it when I got there that morning, but by late afternoon, she was slightly aware. We were giving her drinks with those little sponge things that look like suckers. She was sucking on them, obviously thirsty. One of my other sons had arrived in town for my Dad's funeral, so he and another son came to the home to visit with my Mom.. One of them said "I love you Gma" and she said "I love" two times.. She was trying to speak but could not get out whole sentences. She was able to speak to us and complete sentences before all this. 

I found out her dosage of Seroquel had been increased the Friday before, which seems to have thrown her into this state of very bad hallucinations and falling. And yet Hospice and my sisters were acting like this was just the natural progression of dementia. It wasn't natural. It was made worse by, as what my nurse daughter in law referred to, as enough Seroquel to kill a small horse. My daughter in law had talked to Mary about this and Mary agreed the dose was extremely high, but said she was following Hospice orders.

My sisters started talking about how mom would not make it and started asking all of us what we thought about delaying Dad's funeral until Mom passed so we could have their funerals together.. This is when it really started sinking in that they were euthanizing my mother and my sisters had agreed to it.  My son said no, that's morbid, and in the end, it didn't work out with a couple of other grandkids traveling, so the funeral plans proceeded as planned.. 

I am still totally shocked that my sisters minds work the way they do. 

My husband and I were coming back on Saturday to stay for the weekend, for my Dad's funeral, so I left the Bethany early evening on Friday to head home. We live in Northern Michigan. This all took place in Southern Michigan. We stopped at the Bethany Saturday morning and spent the morning with Mom, who was more out of it than she had been the day before. She never spoke or made a sound. I asked if they'd gotten her to eat anything and was told no. All of this was said with concern and sympathy, but it still did not occur to me that the staff of Bethany had no intention of trying to get her to eat or drink anything. 

Hospice and the Bethany continued to say they just needed to keep her as still as possible to allow her hip to heal, and to prevent pain.. 

Before heading back home on Monday, we spent the morning with my Mom. By this time I understood they were basically euthanizing my mother and I started to feel very angry.  My son also came to stay with her before heading home.. We asked my husband to sit with Mom, and we went in Mary's office to discuss what was going on. 

I point blank asked her if they were going to keep dosing her with Morphine without food or drink until she died.. She replied yes. She also told us this is the hardest part of her job, that she is very pro life, but her hands were tied by Hospice and my families wishes.. She said Hospice was working very closely with my two POA sisters and this is what they agreed to. 

My son and I asked her many questions. She told us in detail what had transpired with my Dad, and that she doesn't like to play the what if game, but she really does wonder if Dad had been sent to the hospital and received medical care if he would not still be with us. I was told my sisters, under the advice of Hospice, had decided against any medical treatment. In other words, they decided it was best to let my Dad die, and so they did, making sure they didn't let me in on their plan, until it was too late.

She also told us it wasn't too late for Mom.. That if we wanted her to start spreading the Roxanol (Morphine) doses out further apart, she was more than willing to do that to see if Mom could tolerate the pain. She said if we could do that, there was a chance we could get her to drink some Boost or at least get water in her, giving her a chance. She also told us they had another resident who had broken her hip, and she had survived. She stated the hip can heal itself if given the chance, but of course, nourishment would be necessary for that to happen. 

My son stated that we wanted the xray done, that we needed to know if it was fractured or not. Mary agreed and said one would be ordered. 

That xray was never done. I was told 2 days ago, by the Hospice Nurse, that my two POA sisters had cancelled it, but she wasn't quite sure if that was the xray that had been scheduled right after the fall or this 2nd request. 

My other sister, who is also not on the POA, and I discussed all this and she seemed as surprised as I was at the details of what had happened to Dad. I asked her if she realizes they are euthanizing Mom.. From the look on her face, I don't think that had actually occured to her. She also agreed that they should at least be feeding Mom intravenously. She seemed surprised by what Seroquel is and that mom was hallucinating, not because of the dementia, but because of the drug. She stated she would talk to the doctor about feeding her intravenously when the doctor came on Tuesday. She agreed that we did need to know if it was fractured or not. I thought finally, someone is looking at this for what it is. 

My husband and I headed home because my sister had planned on spending the rest of the day with Mom. On our way home, the Hospice nurse called me. She "explained" to me why they needed to do things this way. She stated "this is not my idea of a great life, and I'm sure you agree, your mother would not want this for herself"... I told her of course it isn't, but it's not right to euthanize a human being. She told me she doesn't like to use that word. She went on and on, talking about how mom would be in terrible pain if they weren't sedating her, that this is for the best, she has no quality of life, on and on, trying to convince me this was the "kind" thing to do. I told her it's not right that 2 of my sisters have made this decision, this is my mother too, and I do not agree with euthanization.  Again, well, she doesn't like to use that term.. 

I guess calling it "terminal sedation" or "pallative comfort" sounds much nicer, but lets call a spade a spade.. They were euthanizing my mother. 

It became clear to me that she had visited the Bethany and had convinced my sister that what they are doing was the best option, and the phone call to me was an attempt to get me on board with everyone else. Why was this so important to Nurse Judy from Heartland Hospice out of Lansing, Michigan to get us to agree to "terminally sedate" our mother in order to kill her? That is what she had prescribed! This is nothing less than murder. 

I did not agree to it and kept asking her questions like, how can you decide she needs to be sedated when you don't even know if her hip is broken? How can you let her lay there without any nourishment or fluid? Why do you care if her hip heals properly when what you are doing is going to kill her? 

She continued to give me very vague answers that did not answer those questions. Clearly, her goal was to let my mother die because she had dementia and in Nurse Judy's eyes, had no quality of life whatsoever.

A person who took an oath to do no harm is talking people into letting their loved ones starve to death in order to be kind?

I got off the phone and looked at my husband and said, I can't believe a Hospice nurse talks to family members like that.. No wonder my sisters are convinced this is the "kind" thing to do. 

The next day one of my POA sisters told the story that mom's Morphine had worn off and she had been in horrible pain, causing my sister to have to go get an aid and request that the next dose be given early. So much for spreading out the Morphine to try and get my mom aware enough to get some nourishment in her.

I called Mary to check on this and was told that no, my mother hadn't been in pain. She stated that they had been moving her around, bathing her, changing her bed, etc., and she moaned a bit, but she didn't appear to be in pain, but that my sister had requested the next dose be given early. 

By that evening, it was clear the mobile x-ray had still not shown up.. We now realize this was my POA sisters stopping it from happening. They claimed it would cause our mother extreme pain (according to the Hospice Nurse.) 

My mother was in a morphine induced coma. The Hospice nurse stated that she wouldn't feel hunger pains because the Roxanol (Liquid Morphine) would prevent her from feeling pain, and yet, she would feel pain from an xray??????

On Wednesday, my kids decided it was time to make a big move. They didn't want to involve me knowing that it would most likely makes things worse for me with my sister situation. My daughter in law called the State and reported what was going on. My son called one of my POA sisters and demanded the xray.. She stated to him that she had begun to wonder if perhaps they were listening to Hospice too much and that this decision may not be the right one.. She promised to call the doctor and have an xray ordered. 

My sisters, of course, were furious with my daughter in law, and my sons. I  really didn't understand why my daughter in law had done this, at first, and worried that the Bethany would take their anger out on my mother. One of my sons called me mid day to give me a heads up.. I still didn't quite understand why they called the state, until later that day, when my other son called to tell me what they had done. After hearing why they had done all this, I was very proud of my kids for doing what they felt was right! They could not sit back and just let this happen to their grandma. 

The xray was ordered, but it took over 24 hours to actually happen.. I can only imagine this was yet another ploy from my sisters to stop this. The mobile xray company showed up at 7:30 in the evening to take the xray, with no results available until Saturday, which just does not happen. These companies are not that incompetent. It obviously was purposely being delayed as long as possible.

My sisters planned out the "schedule" for the week, giving me Friday. I can only guess that they didn't want to deal with my opposing attitude about all this, and were undoubtedly hoping my mother would be gone by then. I arrived early in the morning, asking about the xray results. No one seemed to know if they had even happened. I was later told that they had indeed been taken at 7:30 the evening before, but they didn't have any results yet.. 

A different Hospice nurse came in to check mom's vitals.. She told me the final signs were there, and she felt it could be any time now.. She told me it could be within a few hours, it could be tomorrow, there was no way to know for sure.. 

I texted one of my sisters and asked her to let the other two know what was going on... 

Eventually, they all showed up and they continued this dialogue of how this was the best thing to do for her, she wasn't right in her mind, she would never want to go on living without Dad, how she'd rather be with Dad in heaven, telling her it was okay to go. 

We all stayed till evening, then headed our separate ways. I stayed at my sons house for the night, then headed back to the Bethany very early in the morning. 

By now my Mom looked like a skeleton with skin. She didn't look like herself at all. She lay there with her mouth open, shallow breathing, dying. She looked much like those pictures we have all seen of the dead bodies thrown into a mass grave at the holocaust. My mother was near the end, successfully starved to death, at the hands of Hospice, the Bethany home and my sisters. 

I had the time alone to say my goodbyes, and tell my Mom how incredibly sorry I was that this was done to her. I told her how hard her grandsons and daughter in law had tried to stop all this and how much she meant to them, and to me. 

My sisters all eventually showed up, and by 2 that afternoon, I could no longer sit in this tiny little room with sisters I knew had made the decision to do this to the woman who had given them life. One of my sisters in particular, was a little too chatty, a little too happy and a little too gung ho. 

They left for lunch at 1, I stayed and talked to Mom for awhile, said my goodbyes, kissed her on her forhead, telling her I'd see her on the other side, and left when my sisters came back. 

On the way home, one of my sisters called to tell me she was gone. 

I had watched my Dad take his last breath 11 days earlier.. I didn't need to see my mom take hers. 

Here is the kicker.. I, of course, did not get this information from Hospice, the Bethany or my sisters.. They aren't going to admit to any kind of guilt. But Monday morning I started making phone calls, trying to find out if an xray was done or not, and what the results were. 

It took quite a lot of calls to many people, but I finally did receive a phone call back from the doctors office, confirming the results of the xray. 

NO fracture

No bone lesion

No Soft Tissue Swelling

No Foreign Bodies Identified
The doctors office sent me a copy of the report.. 

My mother was euthanised for a bruised hip. 

My mother was actually euthanized for being a dementia victim who had become an inconvenience. 

Why is Hospice being allowed to "terminally sedate" patients? Euthanasia is illegal in this country. 

Dr. Kevorkian was imprisoned for helping people with physician assisted suicide for the terminally ill. These were people making that choice for themselves. Dr. Kervorkian helped them to die a peaceful, quick death, but he was imprisoned for doing so. And yet Hospice is allowed to kill people by starvation, which is incredibly cruel. 

We are kinder to animals in this country. When an animal is "put to sleep", it's almost instantaneous, no starvation, no lingering for days.. And yet Hospice is allowed to continue this practice of putting people into a Morphine induced coma and allowing them to starve to death and dehydrate. 

How can this be happening in America? I would much prefer to see people treated the Kervorkian way than this! This is cruel, not to mention morally and ethically wrong. 

Not only did I loose my parents in an eleven day span, but I also lost my original family, because I will never be able to forget that my sisters willingly did this to our parents. I will never be able to look at them the same, or trust them in any way, shape or form. How can anyone decide this is the "best option" for another human being? How can they live with what they decided? 

One of my sisters informed my son that HE is insensitive for having pushed the xray and having the nerve to ask if they had results yet (before my Mom's passing), and that it doesn't matter that her hip was not broken, she had a hemoglobin and they would have treated it the same. 

A hemoglobin is a bruise. They euthanize people for bruises now? 

Even if that was true, which of course, it isn't, if you have a patient who needs to hold still in order for a part of their body to heal, and to do that you decide to put them into a Morphine induced coma, would you not expect them to provide nourishment to that patient via an IV? 

Just because my mother had dementia does not justify doing this to her. My mother was not actively dying. She was actually quite healthy for her age.

My mom obviously didn't want to die. She hung on for 10 agonizing days of being starved. 
This is cruel and inhumane treatment of another living being.

I read another article the other day suggesting that this practice is being done to save the government money. That may sound absurd, but think about it. Medicare is paying for Hospice care and most likely the Hospice patient is also drawing Social Security. 

If you'd like to read that article, titled Hospice Uncovered, click on the link. 

In all honesty, would this not be to our governments benefit to get some of these people off the payroll? 

It is a question worth asking.

A quick search using terms like Hospice Terminal Sedation or Hospice Euthanasia will bring up all kinds of stories of what other people have experienced. Unfortunately, I did not know to look up those terms until it was too late. I hope if you are reading this, my story will help your story end with less heartbreak.

This is another source of great information:
Hospice Patient Alliance
Hospice Kills. How Can We Not Know?
I foolishly thought having them move to a Hospice Adult Care Home meant they would receive extra help and attention. That isn't what it means. I also did not quite understand what a Palliative Care physician is. Hospice does not treat or cure illness, just like a Palliative Care physician will not treat or cure illness in a dementia patient. They provide comfort, that is all. My parents Palliative Care physician was recommended by Hospice, who work closely together. Imagine that. 

My parents were sent to the Bethany to die, not to be taken care of or treated for Dementia in a professional, trained way. They were simply drugged in order to be controlled. That is not the impression I had when I agreed to moving my parents to the Bethany. I thought they were going to be cared for, kept safe, given the best life possible under the circumstances.

I'm quite sure there will be people who will read this and want to immediately jump to Hospice's defense.. I will be moderating any feedback because I am not going to provide a forum for Hospice supporters.. As far as I'm concerned, Hospice killed my parents. My biggest question is, how can they get away with this? They should to be held responsible for my parents deaths. 

My sisters undoubtedly will tout the praises of Hospice and if they wrote this story, it would be about how Hospice helped them in the worst of times. There are people who are riddled with pain, unbearable pain, and for them, a Morphine induced coma undoubtedly is a blessing, but for people like my parents, it was nothing short of killing by starvation. 

I've heard the term "Gods Will" being thrown around by family members.. 
This was not Gods Will.. This was Hospice Will.

My parents were human beings, good, honest, hard working, loving human beings that survived the depression and worked very hard to have more than the generations before them had.  They played by the rules, did what was expected of them, raised their children, loved their grandchildren like crazy and lived a good, clean life together for 67 years.

They deserved a better ending.